Early on I knew that I was going to do everything in my power to have a natural childbirth.

Natural childbirth fit my philosophy, my soul, my being and my maternal instinct that was quickly developing.

But wait.

Before we discuss the realities of natural childbirth and different ways that will help you achieve one, I have to say a few things. 

First, I love birth stories. LOOOOOVE them. Each mother and child’s birth story is so unique, a fingerprint, that only those two beings share. Swoon!  

I by no means believe that one way of giving birth is superior to another.  No mom-shaming here.  Natural births, epidurals, c-sections, VBACs…they are all part of each unique and beautiful birth story.  

If you take one thing away from this post, please take this away: Every birth is beautiful. Every. Single. One. Yours, mine, Beyonce’s, the lady at the post office…

I know this after seeing my big sister give birth to my nephew.  That was the first birth I ever witnessed firsthand (outside of a cow on my grandparents’ farm).  

Shan asked me to be in the delivery room with her and I was so excited as we anticipated my nephew's arrival.  After my sister labored for what seemed like 3 days (it was close to that), her doctor came in and advised that they would have to perform an emergency c-section as she had developed an infection and the baby needed to come out ASAP.  

I looked directly at my sister and saw her demeanor go from fear to fierce.  

She would do whatever was necessary to ensure that her firstborn baby was safe. And she did.  As we all do when faced with something of that nature.  

People make comments like, “You’re brave,”  “Wow, you’re tough,” after they learn I’ve had two natural childbirths. Let me tell you, there was nothing brave or tough about it. 

Brave. Tough. That’s my sister. She’s also the one with big boobs, big lips and an ass that won’t quit. Not to be confused with me. But I digress…

So, if you were hoping that I was going to tell you how to be tough or brave enough to have a natural childbirth…ummm…I’m not tough so I can’t tell you how to be.

However! I do have some nuggets of wisdom to share with you that played a vital role in how I was able to see my ideal birthing experiences come to fruition. Even if you’re not planning a natural childbirth, these will still help:

    1.)    Develop a Birth Mantra

I’m big on mantras. Why? Because they’re simple and they work. When you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed or defeated…a mantra builds you up and reminds you of your “why.” It helps you dig deep.

The first time I REALLY used a mantra was while I was laboring and it was a huge part of how I was able to have a natural childbirth. 

It’s important that you find a mantra that really speaks to YOU. You want something that will speak to your very being, something that inspires you and empowers you. Something that you can say internally and aloud when you’re in the throws of labor to give you strength and energy. You’ll need to feel these words resonate in your head and heart before going into labor, so be sure you take some time before your due date to develop them. I had two:

1.)  It’s bearable.

2.)  If I am in control, I am in control.

Here’s how they came to be: 

I remember in the weeks leading up to my due date being VERY nervous as I knew my pain threshold would be tested for the first time. I had never broken a bone, I’d had minor stitches once and I’d been stung by a bee twice in my life and remember thinking that REALLY frickin’ hurt. (Side note: I do not live in a bubble.  Promise. I got pregnant twice.)   

As we were getting down to the wire, I expressed my concern to my mom. She gave birth to my sister and I naturally and I desperately needed some encouragement.  

Had I reached the point in my pregnancy where she would bestow me with some secret? Some ancient trick that would make it painless?  No? No. 

Maybe she would tell me I’m awesome, can do anything I put my mind to, blah, blah… No? No.

As I was telling her how worried I was about the pain and how I wasn’t sure if I could handle it, she said, quite simply, “It’s bearable.”

It’s bearable.  

That is the truth that wise moms lay down. Thankfully, I have one of those in my back pocket. Thanks Mama.

That is the BEST advice I ever received on natural childbirth. It is simple and yet, profound.  

It IS bearable.

I think that society mistakenly sets the focus of childbirth on pain. Sure. That is a valid part of childbirth. But, it’s not the focus. Or, it shouldn’t be. Birth leads to…BABIES!!! Yay!!! So, don’t forget that part. Yes, it will hurt. In fact, I can pretty much promise you that it will. 

But. It’s bearable. Really! 

With those two words, my mom handed me my mantra. I didn’t worry about the pain anymore. Instead, my mindset shifted and I began to realize that no matter what came my way, I was strong and I could handle it. Feel free to use that one. Copyright “The Karen.”

The second mantra I developed on my own as a need to maintain my calm.  Birth is such a heightened moment and Hollywood shows birth as being so chaotic.  Certainly it can be.  No doubt.  But it can also be peaceful and serene. 

That’s what I wanted (more on that if you click on my birth plan). I needed to feel like this was mine and my child’s birth story and that together we were writing it. I recognized that if I was still calling the shots, then I was in a good place. And if I was in a good place, I could do this! 

If I was given the opportunity to do it my way, I wanted to do it my way. “If I am in control, I am in control.”

These two mantras were all I needed to keep me focused and grounded. Be sure to develop a mantra or two that speak to you. 

    2.)    Develop a Birth Plan

Birth plans are really important.  Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  When I was developing ours, I had a few people tell me that medical personnel might shrug it off and think they are a joke. What?! If you get that impression from your doctor, midwife, nurse, etc., that is ridiculous.

They should WANT to know what your wishes are. 

Birth is a big deal! You’re not going to have another chance to bring this baby into the world.

A birth plan is your way of communicating what your wishes are in any situation that arises. A birth plan isn’t made in stone-which is EXACTLY why you need one.

A birth plan doesn’t state: “I want to have my baby in a lavender field with Norah Jones singing in the background. No exceptions.” No. A birth plan should outline your ideal birth, but also how you want certain situations handled when you are NOT in control and your ideal birth isn’t feasible anymore. 

Developing a birth plan will make you feel empowered and make you think about certain situations that maybe you haven’t given much thought to (emergency c-section, as an example). Also, things like…I want the room to be dark and relaxing, I want my baby handed to me immediately to lay on my chest, I want to breastfeed right away, I want to delay cord clamping. 

Preparation is key.  Take the time to sit down and develop one.  You can probably do this in less than 30 minutes.  I’m sharing my birth plan with you, so that you can use it should you need a starting point.  Make any necessary changes, no pride of authorship here! It may take you less than 10 minutes now!

Be sure to have your significant other, doula, sister, whoever is going to be in the room with you familiarize themselves with your plan. Don’t just hand them a copy. Have them read it and then ask if they have any questions. Do this weeks before your due date. It is important to have them know the ins and outs of it because if you are in a situation where you cannot communicate your wishes, they will be able to communicate exactly what they are on your behalf.

Make a few copies and have them with you during the birth to give to nurses, midwives, doctors, etc. Again, make sure they read them and ask if they have any questions. When a new nurse comes in, ask them if they've read through it.

    3.)    Appoint Your Birth Room Cheerleader...or Birth Attendant

I love my husband. He is super supportive, funny and just awesome. He strong like bull. For awhile, he fought MMA. He’s a beast in high stress situations and definitely my rock.

But he also vomited five times when he saw a dog turd the size of a tootsie roll.  True story. 

And he also started gagging when he heard (yes, just heard) flesh being cut into on Grey’s Anatomy. 

Although he was a champion in both of our boys’ births, I knew that he was not going to be good with blood, afterbirth, ya know, things like that.

Thankfully, my sister loves that kind of stuff.  And, she’s a nurse. So, I knew my sister would be my birth room cheerleader. 

I suggest you put some time and thought into appointing yours.  You may never get the opportunity to appoint a Supreme Court judge, but choosing a birth room cheerleader is your time to let your appointing magic shine.

 So, here are the reasons I chose my sister, and maybe they can help you choose yours:

1. Someone that respects and honors you.
2. Someone that respects and honors your birth plan.
3. Someone who is not intimidated - who will speak up on your behalf.
4. Someone who does not faint at the sight of blood...or poop.
5. Someone who you are TOTALLY comfortable with…cause you might poop on a table in front of them.  I did.
6. Someone who will look you in the eye and motivate you.

4.)    Fill Your Toolbox

Don’t just fill your hospital bag. More importantly, you need to fill your toolbox. Birth is demanding of a woman’s body and mind and I suggest you bring the right tools for the job. The thing is, you might not use all the tools, but it’s better to have them and not use them than to need them and not have them.  

What do I mean by that? Do your research.  

Way before your due date, begin researching different birthing methods and approaches. Explore as many as you can and dive into the ones that speak to you. Whether it be Hypnobirthing, Lamaze, the Bradley Method utilizing different birthing positions, massage techniques, natural methods for dialation…look it up!

This helped me immensely.  And it helped me the second time around when the birthing positions that worked for my eldest DID NOT work for my second born.  Back to the toolbox…let’s try THIS position this time. 

    5.)    Breath Is Everything

If you’ve ever done yoga or have ever been overwhelmed or excited or scared or upset…you understand that breath is super powerful.  What is the first thing people say when they are trying to get someone to relax…”Breathe.  Just breathe.”  Well, that is no accident.  Breath is a powerful tool when used properly.

Breathing was hands down the biggest reason I was able to have two natural childbirths.

Sat Bir Singh Khalsa, PhD, assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School affirms, “We’ve long known that breath changes in response to emotion: When people get panicky and anxious, their breath becomes shallow and rapid. But we now know from a number of really good studies that actively changing the breath rate can actually change autonomic function and mood state.”

This is why yoga studios are everywhere! Yoga utilizes breath to relax and bring one's focus inward.

Yeah, I took a couple of yoga classes for pregnancy and I’ve been doing yoga on and off for 10 years (mostly off), but I am in no way a yoga guru. I took yoga in college, but ya wanna know the college course that prepared me most for natural childbirth? Voice Lessons. Seriously. Hear me out.

I’ve shared this secret with many soon-to-be Mom friends.  If I could give one piece of advice to an expecting mother, I would tell her to utilize…. "motor lips."

Although I had some yoga breathing techniques up my sleeve, I didn’t think I would be able to rely on them when contractions were coming on strong and I was trying to push out a baby. Heck, I have trouble with focusing on my breathing in a quiet, dimly lit yoga studio.  

Thankfully, I took voice lessons and had to use motor lips as an exercise. It teaches you about steady breathing.

The reason this works is that in order to maintain the same sound, you NEED to breathe out in a pretty steady pattern to make the "motor.". And, thankfully it requires very little effort and thought. 

I used this for both of my boys’ births and it was a total game changer for me. I didn’t do this in the early contractions, but there were a whole lot of motor lipping in the later stages when breath was really important. So much so that my lips were numb. But! I maintained a breathing pattern that allowed my body and mind to be in a calm state. Bingo. 

Childbirth is such a personal journey for Mamas. I hope that we can open up the conversation surrounding birth to focus less on the pain and more on the NUMEROUS tips and strategies that can be implemented. 

 My suggestion is that you pick and choose the solutions and tips that speak to you. Just know this-whatever you choose is beautiful, because it’s a part of YOUR story.

Together, let’s embrace childbirth and give each other the support to have the birth story we desire.

What techniques did you use for childbirth? Please share any tips below so that other Mamas can utilize them!